Thoughts...

In general, I think a lot!  I analyze a lot.  I am starting to see Gabby analyze things and definitely know that this is a trait that she has inherited from me.  It can be a good thing or a bad thing...

I came across a blog last night about a family.  http://ellisonkate.blogspot.com/  Of course the name of their baby, Ellie, made me read deeper and deeper into their situation.  The story of her life is touching.  Really hits home in many ways.  It most definitely is not what we experienced with Ellie.  However, in many ways, the hospital stays, friendships we made along the way, the Ronald McDonald House, family and friends that supported us...all of these things seemed very similar.  My heart aches for this family.  I know our babies(Ellie and Ellie) are together tonight, dancing in heaven and are watching over us. 

As the family has been on my heart today, I can only 'think' and 'analyze'.  Yes, our situation with the loss of Ellie in 2006 was tragic.  Jeff and I did experience heartache and continue to experience a loss deeper than words can describe.  However, I have always remained confident that no matter what trials and tribulations we are experiencing or have experienced in the past...someone alwyas has it worse.  Even at Riley Hospital, Ellie's condition was bad...really bad!  But, someone else down the hall or on another floor had it worse.  They were saying goodbye to their children or multiple children sooner than we said goodbye to our Ellie.  It was a terrible time.  We have come so far... 

We are so blessed that the Lord has allowed us to experience parenthood again.  With Gabby in our lives now and Baby C on the way in November I can only think?  What did I ever do to deserve this wonderful life Lord?   He has brought us through tragedy and brought happiness into our lives again.  For once, we can see the plan he may have in store for us.  But, what did I ever do to deserve this?  Why me?  Thank you for blessing me beyond belief and leading me through this wonderful path of life.  HE knows our life and what is in store for us from the beginning to the end.  HE is many steps ahead of us.  HE brought our beautiful angel to us in 2005 for a purpose.  She was sick for a reason.  I struggle with the reason behind this a lot and am optimistic that Ellie was put on this Earth to touch others.  To change others, allow them to love again, heal others and make others happy.  I saw Ellie transform others with my own eyes and know that the Lord has something to do with this.  I will spend the rest of my life learning from the Lord and thanking him daily for teaching me about life through our time with Ellie.  It is very hard to see the bigger picture sometimes.  It is very hard to let go.  I have learned to stop and listen 

If I could take all of the pain from Ellie-Kate's Mommy and Daddy away right now I would.  They are a very spiritual couple and rely on the Lord for everything in their life.  This is wonderful and something that will help them in years to come.  There is a reason for everything and God chose to take our angels for a reason.  We will learn soon enough when we are together in heaven one day I presume. 

So tonight I am not feeling so terrible about 'thinking' and 'analyzing'.  Just depends on the situation.  Bittersweet...

xoxo,
Katie